Trying to make an April Fool's joke about the git compromise and I just can't bring myself to do it. It's too soon, man.

Pay attention corporations. This is how you preserve trust in a situation where you're inevitably going to lose some. Just treat everyone involved like a fucking adult and take your slaps on the wrist.

We fucked up by trying to maintain out own infra without the resources to do it right. We admitted that mistake to ourselves first, then to the public, and we're acting to fix the underlying problems (including some that weren't an issue yet, but could become ones).

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I feel like I need to do a video on this breach event.

A little on the breach itself, 'cause that's probably interesting, but mostly on the way it's disclosed and responded to.

We publicly announced pretty quickly by any measure and have been pretty transparent so far (more transparency coming soon) and the response has been mostly "Fuck that sucks, thanks for working to fix it" rather than "POOF THAT PHP IS TEH SUX". There's some of that, but preciously little.

Fuck, man. Not gonna lie. I'm shook. I just to curl up and lick my wounds awhile, but there's shit to do. Fuck.

This one even got my wife laughing out loud.

There's too much text to put it in the mouse over, so I've pasted it to gist for the screen reader inclined.
gist.github.com/sgolemon/a2f98

PHP internals devs: ** Discover funky internal behavior of a PHP userspace function.

Dev 1: Wait... what?
Dev 2: /facepalm
Dev 3: No, it really does do that.
Dev 1: So, an entirely typical PHP function then.

How to be an entitled asshole towards the the people who make the thing you make money off of for free: bugs.php.net/bug.php?id=80877

"They": There's no such thing as a bad idea.

The Internet: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. externals.io/message/113504

As always, identities have been changed to protect the stupid.

This one is pretty sus.
I say we vote them out an airlock before anyone else gets hurt.

When you've tested everything except the test runner's counters.

I may need to make a separate tooter account just for these emails soon.

PHP 8.0 has been out for a couple months now, and I feel like it's time to revisit the journey from PHP 5 to PHP 7 with... SUPER ELEPHPANT BROTHERS!
youtu.be/XPomH5BWMhU

They say people get more conservative in their old age, and I always through that was bullshirt, but here I am voting 'No' on all three RFCs currently in voting stage.

Though in my defense, I'm on the cusp of saying yes to Enumerations, and might have if it weren't already a landslide for the 'yes' vote anyway.

wiki.php.net/rfc/enumerations

The other two are definite 'No' votes. That shit belongs in userland. Period.

wiki.php.net/rfc/readable_var_
wiki.php.net/rfc/any_all_on_it

"""Phone won't let me get in my email"""

"""SENT FROM MY IPHONE"""

*slow clap* That's poetic.

Dear Mister Putin;

This is Open Source, feel free to contribute to the translation and BE that illiterate idiot.

Sincerely, the PHP management.

Today's spam of the day goes to God's Plan for your Car.

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